


Merry Christmas ( delay)

by Strange_doll_from_Hell



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Attempted Murder, Canon-Typical Violence, Christmas, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Original Character Death(s), Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28783431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strange_doll_from_Hell/pseuds/Strange_doll_from_Hell
Summary: Small story of Christmas very late (my fault). A lot of black humor but also fluff.Technically follows 600 years and pregnant.
Relationships: Jenna/Nadja (What We Do in the Shadows TV), Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja





	Merry Christmas ( delay)

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm 21 days late. My reasons are a mixed Christmas, my health problems (I'm starting a new medication) and I changed my computer (yeah!). Thanks to all those who will read to me in spite of this.  
> The Spanish translations are at the end (I know, it's horrible, sorry).  
> For those who haven't read 600 and pregnant, just know that Nadja and Laszlo have quadruplets thanks to vampire moon magic.

Well, the last year had been exhausting, thought Guillermo as he looked at the calendar.

Like if having to rescue the vampires and evacuate the house wasn't enough. He was found himself dragging 4 vampires to his mother's place. Go get the grem...Nadja and Laszlo's babies at Shane's place... Because they all considered it was good idea to let 4 babies dhampir to an ordinary human couple, with one of whom was still recovering from brain damage. Miraculously, no one had died.

-Jenna was busy, you had abandoned us without notice and Nadja's doll refused to do it, was the justification.

Passing the initial shock after the massacre at the theater, the vampires had taken the news about his origins surprisingly well. Nandor acted as if nothing had changed (even though Guillermo had clearly explained to him that the master/family aspect was over). Nadja, Laszlo and Colin Robinson for their part...seemed to have become more polite and considerate towards him. Laszlo had even disputed one of his kids who wanted to bite Guillermo (Arthur, he think). 

Guillermo's mother had agreed to let her son's friends stay for a few days. Just enough time to find a solution for everyone ...and 2020 had arrived. The vampires whined but did not try to go against the instructions. He assumes that you were born pre-vaccines and penicillin, you take the threat more seriously. Laszlo seemed particularly worried when his wife had simply said:  
-Is it just me or do the 20s always get epidemics?

*****

The only good news was that since they were all stuck together, they were going to need more space. Colin had funds that he donated with...politeness? Let's put it this way. So they find a bigger apartment for everyone (the one of his mother's was small for 7 adults and 4 babies) because even though Guillermo was no longer a familiar , the vampire council saw him as a threat and it was out of the question for him to watch others get slaughtered. So, yeah, they were going to stay roommates, he assumes. But it was extremely clear that his only responsibility to them was to protect them from the council. They should take care of themselves and if one thought of using his mother as a new familiar, they could take the door. Nadja and Laszlo had been whining about the fact that they were young parents of 4 children. Guillermo had remarked that Jenna existed and that at the time they were born, it was the norm. They could all work together and Guillermo was willing to help them learn various household chores, but that was it. Times were hard for everyone and Guillermo deserves a little respect after all his years. And after this year, that was definitely the only positive point.

The vampires, even if they had whined, had relatively respected the new rules. And he was a little soft with them on occasion. Also his mother is physically unable not to help the others and between Nandor who almost had a breakdown when Guillermo wanted to explain to him how the washing machine worked, Nadja, Laszlo and Jenna trying to take care of 4 babies and Colin Robinson trying his best to feed himself despite the restrictions, they needed help.

-What are you doing, Guillermo? Nandor asked, interrupting his thoughts.  
-Oh nothing, I just noticed that Christmas would be coming...

Nandor emitted a hiss of disgust.

-Don't worry, we'll just gonna do the secular stuff: the tree, Santa Claus …  
-I find it disgusting to make children sit on the lap of an old man to whom they have to promise to be good in exchange for material goods.  
-Nandor, come on! says Guilllermo wanting to get angry but not holding back a laugh. -Also, you could exchange gifts. Wouldn't that be fun?  
-...I have to find presents for Colin Robinson and the quadruplets?  
-It would be nice for the children but for Colin Robinson, you can only do it if he also gives you a gift...

They were interrupted by a loud noise followed by a child's scream.

-Not again, groans Guillermo.

He and Nandor rushed to find one of the babies on the floor screaming and crying at the top of his lungs. 

-Come here ...Which one is it, Guillermo? said Nandor as he picked up the baby in his arms.  
-Arthur, said Guillermo after a minute of observation.  
-Hey, Arthur, it's all right, don't cry," said Nandor, rocking the baby. -What happened?

Guillermo looked up at the ceiling and saw another of the babies approaching, a white strand in the black hair revealing his identity.

-Jack, says Guillermo with a stern voice. 

The baby gave him a look that seemed to say: "I respect you even less than my father does''. Before continuing to crawl on the ceiling towards the exit.

-Oh, did you try crawling on the ceiling? Come on, you didn't inherit this. Maybe it'll come when you die in a century or two," Nandor continued, rocking the baby as it began to settle down.  
-What happened? Why is my son crying? said Laszlo, outraged, holding another baby (Quincey, recognized Guillermo).  
-He fell, it's nothing," said Nandor.  
-Let me be the judge of that," said Laszlo as he placed Quincey on the floor to pick up Arthur. -Here, little prince," said Laszlo as he took him.

The baby gurgled with joy at the attention he was receiving.

-He's fine, you can see now, can you...  
-The bat is a nocturnal animal which is a...

Everyone turned towards Quincey who sat on the floor holding a telephone on which the video was playing. The baby raised his head, surprised by this sudden attention.

-Is that my phone? says Guillermo as he searches his pockets to confirm his doubts. 

It was definitely his.

-Sorry, Guillermo. Jenna showed him a video on her phone and now he borrows them every chance he gets to watch them, Laszlo explained, taking the phone from Quincey's hands and returning it to Guillermo.  
-How does he do that? asked Guillermo in shock.  
-This junk is thinking for you. Of course a child can use it," Laszlo replied.  
-...I don't have internet on my phone.  
-So? Ask Nandor.

******

-Look, I'm just asking you to be patient with her," says Nadja.  
-Patient? Did you see me? the Nadja doll screamed.

The doll's face was covered with coloured pencil marks, one of her buns had been cut and her dress was sticky. Nadja held Emma in her arms as she tried to take the doll back.

-She is only one year old, she doesn't understand that you are more than just a toy.  
-I don't care, deal with your filthy bloody kids!  
-They are yours too!  
-This vagina stopped being my responsibility after my death! 

Emma suddenly stopped shouting for the doll and looked up at the ceiling. Nadja understood at once, put Emma on the floor to catch Jack who fell from the ceiling.

-Hey honey badger, what are you doing here?

The baby cooed in an adorable way that could almost make his mother's heart beat.

-Nadja! Concentrate," the doll complains as Emma approaches her again.  
-Oh, that's right! I think Colin Robinson might have a zoom meeting during the day, maybe he'll want to let them participate, Nadja said as she picked up Emma beford she can take the doll back.

*****

-Guillermo?  
-Yes, Nandor?

The vampire had a grimace of disgust when he heard the human address to him other than calling him Master.

-How do you differentiate between them?  
-The quatriplets?  
-Yes, Laszlo and Nadja are the parents, Jenna could be as well, Colin Robinson is maybe because their energies are quite different but how do you do it?  
-Emma is the only one who inherited Nadja's green eyes, Arthur has a birthmark on his hand that looks like a crescent moon, Quincey has a mole close to the eye and Jack, well you can see it easly, laughs Guillermo.  
-What does that mean?  
-This hair. He has a streak of white hair. I think it's called poliosis.  
-I never noticed," says Nandor. -And it's really small details, I don't know if I'm going to remember them.  
-I've got a tip if you want ," said Colin, startling them.  
-Colin Robinson! My mom's going to wake up soon so could you...  
-I just want to give something to help Nandor sincerely.  
-All right, explain to me Colin Robinson , says Nandor.  
-Arthur is the drama queen, Emma the destructive one, Quincey the one who's well capable to accidentally blow something up or get us netflix for free and Jack...Let's just say he's probably the one responsible for the departure of the majority of the nannies.  
-Oh, it's true that it's clearer now, thank you Colin Robinson.

Guillermo refrains from telling Colin to stop for see his mother.

-¡Guillermo! ¿Cómo te ha ido el día?  
-Bastante tranquilo, mamá. ¿Y qué hay de ti?

He's not lying, there's only one vampire assassin killed today. And which had 2 gold rings from the 15th century. Guillermo had told his mother that he was restoring antiques for resale. This was the closest thing to the truth. (Luckily vampires love their antiques and Ebay exists). But it killing him that his mother continues to insist on working despite the situation. Okay, that's cleaning empty apartments while its occupants are across the country because of the virus. But still! At her age, she is at risk! Guillermo's mother also refuses to chase away her son's friends when they are in a bad position: parents of young children, immigrants, people barely of age or... Colin Robinson. But his mother insists on helping because of the situation even though Guillermo considers it unnecessary: Colin has a lot more money than he lets on, Nadja and Laszlo have gotten into the habit of taking insurance for their familiars because of their luck with them and Nandor has antique objects that museums would kill for. And Jenna, despite the jealousy that Guillermo sometimes feels towards her, ...is a goddamn angel! She always tries to make herself useful and help others. The babies...They're still pesky little gremlins. But they are babies vampires so it's not exactly their fault. And at least they're beginning to know who inherited what strength and weakness which makes them easier to deal with. And to his great but pleasant surprise, neither Nadja or Laszlo had tried to abandon them at the first coming when the difficulties appeared. And if Jenna's help seemed natural, Nandor's had surprised him. So did Colin until he realized that he was probably using the babies to eat a little during zoom meetings. Also another thing that had shocked Guillermo, was how all the blood suckers had prioritized feeding the quatriplets on themselves despite the fact that they were technically able to consume some human food (quite rich in meat and cucuritaceae but still). Finding food is difficult and they shouldn't be too inquisitive. The only good thing is that a virus cannot survive in a dead body, so it is impossible for them to transmit it.

Ironically, being born to a mother who had endured frequent starvation and a father who had lived through one of the worst epidemics of his time was a blessing for Arthur, Emma, Quincey and Jack. All ready for 2020.

-Está bien. Está bien. En realidad, tengo buenas noticias. Mi empleador se ofreció a ofrecerme la cena de Navidad como agradecimiento a mí y a mis parientes por cuidar los apartamentos. Pensé que tú y yo podríamos ir a buscarlo y traerlo de vuelta para todos.  
-Eso... es muy generoso de su parte. Supongo que podríamos hacerlo, mamá.

It was quite generous and the fact that others didn't eat it, would leave more for them. He made sure the babies had something they could digest.

-El único problema es que quieren que lo recojamos en persona.  
-¿En el día de Navidad?  
-Sí, me siento mal dejando a todos solos sin nada...  
-No es nada, mamá. Nandor, Nadja, Laszlo y Colin Robinson no celebran realmente la Navidad. Y Jenna es judía, pero tampoco creo que celebre el Hanuka.  
-Oh, van muy en serio con lo de criar a los niños de una manera secular. ¿Crees que se molestarán si doy regalos de todos modos?  
-Estoy seguro de que mientras no sea un suéter con Jesús en él, no tendrán ningún problema.

Also, all vampires know the number one rule that is punishable by a one-way trip to the door is being mean to Guillermo's mother.

*****

-Guillermo, where are you going? Nandor asked.  
-I'm just going to accompany my mother to work to carry her employer's gift. Don't worry, I won't leave you alone for long," promised Guillermo.  
-I'm not worried, not about my safety anyway! I am Nandor the Relenteless, remembrer?  
-Yes, I...  
-Don't interrupt me! But there is pestilence outside and if you get sick, how will you protect us? Not to mention the gift I bought...  
-We will be careful: mask, keep a good distance and...did you buy me a gift?  
-Yes...But I had to give one to everyone, even Colin Robinson, so I had to give one to you.  
-Thank you, that's very kind.  
-It's nothing, it's not even precious!  
-It doesn't matter, I appreciate the gesture.

Nandor growled. If he had known, he wouldn't have asked Jenna to sell his German shield.

-Nandor?  
-What? Hurry up, if you want to get home in time! How far away is it?  
-Not far away, it is the Sawyer building.  
-Sawyer? Why does it sound familiar?  
-Probably because it is an old and influential family. You must have hung out with one of them around the same time you were having fun with Washington.  
-Oh, that must be it. Be careful anyway.  
-I promise. 

*****

The apartment is large, dark and Guillermo who nevertheless lived in a house where 37 murders , 19 suicides, 8 strange disappearances, was inhabited by 2 serial killers (but not at the same time), built on an old Amerindian cemetery where satanic cults had taken place (ok, Colin Robinson had a point when he said that he had to round up his ends during the Great Depression) found this place creepy.

-¿Dónde dejaron el regalo? Ask Guillermo's.  
-Piso superior. Ahí es donde suelen tener sus reuniones familiares, replied his mother.

******

-Sawyer, Sawyer, murmured Nandor as he rummaged through a box.  
-What are you doing?" asked Jenna as she appeared with one of the babies in her arms.  
-Ahhh! Jenna, you...surprised me!  
-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...  
-It's nothing! But I'm busy so if you'll just leave me alone.  
-Why are you mumbling Sawyer? You looking for Tom Sawyer's book?  
-No! I'm more a fan of a Yankee in King Arthur 's courts! I'm looking for someone I met named Saweyr. I don't know why, but I know it's important. Aahh! Found it!  
-What?  
-My diary! I've never been a very regular person with my entries but there's probably a thing or two about him!

Nandor immediately began to read, smiling or laughing at certain pages before his expression quickly turned to horror.

-Oh no.  
-What is it?  
-Guillermo is in danger!

******

Guillermo's mother was unlocking the door and for some reason he couldn't explain, something inside shouted at in him to run away. Thank God, now he wasn't going anywhere without weapons against the vampires on him.

When they entered, the room was plunged into darkness. Guillermo's mother lit up, revealing that they were not alone. In the richly decorated room, this find at least 7 people (with masks but still). 

-Finally, our guests are here!

******

-Nandor, are you going to tell us what the hell is going on? Ask angry Nadja.  
-I believe that Guillermo and his mother fell into the trap created by an descendant of a acquaintance of an old friend of mine.  
-So, you're proposing that we save him for our debt to him? asked Laszlo.  
-It was mainly because he was a loyal familer, sometimes more towards us but if this is a better motivation for you, please use it.  
-I will.  
-And how do you plan to get into the building? asked Nadja. -We are in a time of pandemic and at this hour I am not even sure if there will be a doorman!  
-Shit!made in horror Nandor.  
-If I may say so...  
-What Colin Robinson?  
-Your friend who had an acquaintance whose descendant wants to wait for the life of Guillermo and his mother.  
-Yes, Colin Robinson? said Nandor, trying with all his strength not to jump on the psychic vampire to strangle him.  
-Was it Washingston?  
-Yes but what does it change...  
-If you had the permission exceptionel of the President of the United States to go to their home because of a matter of state, I'm sure it would count as an invitation and since you and he were close …  
-Colin Robinson, you are worse than a lawyer! If I didn't want to throw up just thinking about it, I would kiss you!  
-I don't mind if it's your kink...  
-Nadja, get out your invocation book! Nandor shouted, ignoring Colin's proposal.

*****

-What are you doing here? asked Guillermo. -There are far too many of us from different households according to the laws.  
-Food doesn't account for anything," said the elderly man who seemed to be the leader of this small troop.

Food? Oh crap," Guillermo realized. It was just his luck! He had stumbled upon a group of hungry monsters. Ok, just now he had to deal with: vampires, werewolves, zombies, witches and necromancers, babaduke, ghosts and a chuppacabra that had been rummaging through their garbage! He can do it! He is not sure what they are, but he has learned to believe in his abilities over the last two years. He can't trust that the old man is as fragile as he seems but the two men in the prime of life and what must be their companions are more threatening. There's also what it takes to be a teenager and a kid. Let's hope we don't have to go there. Despite the knives they all had.

-Guillermo, ¿qué está pasando? Ask his mother.  
-Shut up, sow...one of the women began to say.  
-Nobody talks to my mother like that," says Guillermo, pulling a stake out of his sleeve.

His mother screamed and at least one couple backed away surprised.

-You are not going to be intimidated by a dirty wet..

Guillermo didn't even give them time to finish his sentence. He grabbed one of the men who threw on the ground before to take a silver cross out of his coat and stick it against the man's forehead. Nothing happened.

-What the fuck are you doing?  
-Are you... are you human?  
-What do you think, moron?

Suddenly violent blows were heard at the door.

-Guillermo, open the door now!  
-Nandor?  
-Guillermo, I know you don't want to be a familiar anymore but you have to obey just this once! I remember why the name was familiar to me! The Sawyers are a family of cannibals who think when consuming the local pulpit to protect them from curses and prevent them from having stupid children when they marry their cousins! OPEN NOW!  
-He's not serious? You don't really believe that? asked Guillermo in shock.  
-You didn't have to curse us with your Indian magic! indigna the old man.  
-I am Mexican! Not even actually, I'm a damn American citizen!  
-The Mexicans are on average 87% to have Indian blood! replied another woman.

They are humans. Disgusting and stupid but human. He can't kill them.

Finally, the teenager rushes towards the door to open it, causing four vampires to fall on each other.

-Ahh, you're crushing me!  
-Out of the way, idiot!  
-Laszlo, now is not the time!  
-It's not my fault! Someone touched me in my sweet spot!

4 terrifying vampires, ladies and gentlemen. Maybe Guillermo can just cough into the face of one of them and take advantage of the panic to flee.

Nandor finally manages to get out of the heap of vampires and into his old familiar.

-Nandor, ¡detrás de ti!

But too late, a teenage girl stuck a knife into Nandor's chest. He had an empty expression as he looked at the blade embedded in his body. Nadja and Laszlo were no luckier: Nadja's throat was slit and blood began to run down her dress. Laszlo was given an open belly, his guts hanging down to the ground. Colin was the only one to escape the attack, preparing himself on Guillermo's mother to keep her away from the rest of the group.

-Sorry Mrs. De lacruz, but this is an emergency.

Colin then began to explain in Spanish how to repair a printer and Guillermo's mother fainted.

-What are you doing?" asked Guillermo, horrified.  
-The less strange things she sees, the easier it will be to make her forget, Colin replied.

The teenager looks confused that Nandor still hasn't fallen to the ground because of his injury. In fact, passing the surprise, Nandor took an angry expression and began to scold the girl:  
-What do you think you're doing, young lady? Didn't anyone teach you the rules of hospitality?  
-I...er...Why are you …  
-I don't want to hear anything! No, but how can you be so ill-behaved!  
-Mom, what's going on?" asked a suddenly terrified teenager.  
-If I had dared to do that during an execution ordered by my father, I swear, he would have sold all my slaves and forced me to clean my room myself! 

Nadja, for her part, looked down at her soiled dress before turning to the man in charge:  
-That was my favourite dress, you second-rate donkey! I'm going to shove my hand up your ass and rip your guts out!

Laszlo, for his part, was content to wipe the blood from his wound before bringing it to his mouth as the intestines returned to the inside of his belly. Then by looking his assailant directly in the eyes with a smile on his face:  
-Going for the tummy? What a coincidence, it's my kink too!  
-What the fuck are these things?" shouted one of the men in panic.  
-Who are you calling a thing, you bloody pig!  
-Dirty talk is also in my kink. I think we're going to have a lot of fun my sweet baby, said Laszlo, looking at his wife. -No one is a virgin by chance?  
-They're vampires," says Guillermo.  
-Bullshit doesn't exist!" the old man got angry.  
-Cool in this case, they won't eat you if they're not real, smile Guillermo's.  
-Really, vampire hunter? They have your blessing?" Colin laughed.  
-Don't touch the kids, they're in an environment where this kind of behavior has been normalized, but there's probably a way to fix that," Guillermo says quickly.  
-Colin Robindon can nibble them a bit, I mean being 5cm shorter than expected seems fair enough punishment to me," says Nandor.  
-Okay," said Guillermo. -Colin Robinson, take the children. I'll take my mom.  
-You're not going to let them!" shouted the old man.  
-Colin Robinson is a psychic vampire, he feeds on energy, which depletes and deprives them of vitamins but he won't do anything more …  
-I don't care! You can't...  
-Oh, we can and we will! said Nandor before having a devilish laugh.  
-My nephew is a virgin and maybe his sister," said one of the women.  
-You bitch! Scream Nadja. -Who do you think we are?  
-It's not one of my kinks," says Laszlo. -Quite the opposite, in fact.

Guillermo gets out before the worst begins.

*****

His mother and the children sleep on the back banquet when half an hour later the vampires come out. They seem to be in a good mood and carry coolers with them.

-Look, Guillermo! They had coolers, bottles and even a fruit press. We have some meals ready for the weekend, Nandor says proudly.  
-It's great," says Guillermo, hiding his disgust.  
-Eat well, Colin Robinson? asked Nadja.  
-Not bad, I don't really chase children but I'd be lying if I said I didn't like a teenager once in a while...It's coming out wrong. Sorry, Guillermo. I didn't mean to plead for dessert.  
-It's okay, let's just... Let's go home.  
-Good idea, I want Jenna and the little ones to eat while it's still fresh, said Nadja.  
-The orphanages are open despite the pandemic? asked Laszlo.  
-I will call social services to find out how to proceed when I arrive," Guillermo promises. -Hey, just out of curiosity: how did you figure out the trap?  
-The name was familiar to me and when I saw their social statue, I understood. The Harold Sawyer descendants! They all inherited his silly look and disrespect, I can assure you of that.  
-And he was subtle with his views? With cannibalism and all the rest?  
-Not really.  
-And everybody was cool with that because...  
-No one bothers me because I was drinking blood. Of course, I was of better company, but it would have looked hypocritical anyway.  
-Guillermo. it was the circle of life. The rich eat the poor, they just took it to the first degree... Laszlo began before he met his wife's eyes. -And this is a horrible injustice that should be stopped?  
-Yes, especially as the rich often end up looking like pigs and with the right sauce, taste just as good, smiles Nadja.  
-The important thing is that now we are even," says Nandor.  
-Good try but you'll have to find a better way to avoid doing the dishes.  
-We didn't do it because of the dishes," says Nandor.  
-But if there is someone we could kill to avoid this, says Nadja.  
-Or for another task like vacuuming, Laszlo attempted.  
-We did it because you protect us and we protect you and your mum," says Nandor.

In spite of himself, Guillermo felt a smile being born on his lips.

-I like this arrangement.

******

-That's us!" says Nadja as she enters the flat accompanied by others including Nandor carrying Guillermo's mother who is still asleep while Laszlo drags the Saywer children awake by the hand into the flat.  
-Hey, glad to see everyone's okay!" said Jenna on the way to meet them, holding one of the babies (Emma) in her arms. -Uh...whose children are they?  
-People who tried to eat Guillermo. Lucky for them, he doesn't hold a grudge, says Laszlo.

Guillermo almost adds that he could be include in this.

The baby squealed to his parents for attention.

-Oh my little posy, said Nadja, taking the little girl in her armes. -Did they behave themselves? Jenna is important to me, so you have to be nice to her, Emma dear! Nadja continued by making the baby jump in her arms.  
-It's always a bit intense, all 4 at the same time but it was fine. The boys are sleeping but Emma wanted some girl time so we played with the doll.  
-Which doll?  
-The old one she adores, you know the one that looks a bit like you.  
-Oh no...  
-Something wrong?  
-It's nothing, says Nadja with an expression that says the opposite.  
-I need to pee," said the boy.  
-What?  
-He needs to go pee, moron," shouted the teenager.  
-What did I say about respect? Nandor got angry.  
-It's nothing, Nandor. Come, I'll show you..." began Guillermo.  
-I don't want you anywhere near me, fat freak, just show me! the boy shouted.  
-All right, it's right there at the end of the hallway after the bedrooms. 

The children would move him away to the bathroom.

-Is it normal when you are 10 years old to still need help with the toilet? asked Nandor.  
-They're probably just scared, I mean you killed their family," says Jenna.  
-The girl stuck a knife in my chest, very badly it's true, but still, says Nandor.  
-What? Scream in horror Jenna.  
-Yeah, but at least it was clearly her first time. What was the excuse of the rest of the group? Laszlo laughed.  
-...Let's take care of my mother and try to make a comfortable place for them for the night.

*****

The day was about to dawn in 2 hours, it was the time take action. The children enter the room.

Guillermo woke up to find the young boy at the foot of his bed, holding a hammer in one hand and one of the babies held by the collar in the other.

-Listen up, asshole, you're going to use your voodoo magic to bring my family back to life except for Aunt Kaitlin and bring my grandmother back instead!

Guillermo was at first horrified before realizing something.

-I wouldn't do that if I were you.  
-Why ? You're not a monster!  
-No, but he is.

Jack's eyes turn red and the baby turns into a pile of rats. The boy wanted to scream but too late. The baby dhampire re-formed to bite his neck.

-What's going on? asked Nandor in a sleepy voice as he took his head out of Guillermo's wardrobe.  
-Jack has just made his first kill, Guillermo says uncomfortable.  
-What? Nadja and Laszlo will be so proud!

******

-Hey, Nadja and Laszlo came to see," says Nandor, holding Jack in one hand and the lifeless body of the boy in the other.  
-Nandor, shhh! says Nadja as she looks into the children's room with Laszlo having an expression of adoration and Jenna trying to turn her head away while filming with her phone.  
-I just wanted to show you your son's first victim.  
-He took the other one by himself? That's my boy!" Laszlo said proudly.  
-Laszlo," Nadja whispered angrily, elbowing him.  
-Hey, he killed the other one by himself but that doesn't mean I'm not proud of the others. They just work better in a group and he works better alone.  
-What about the others?  
-Come and see slowly, says Nadja.

Nandor walked slowly without letting go of the baby or the corpse. When he looked through the door opening he saw the dying teenage girl with the other three babies feeding on her blood.

-Can you see them? One year and already small killing machines! I was afraid that our situation would delay their growth but it seems that I am worried for nothing," says Nadja.-Thanks again for filming, my love.  
-My pleasure," says Jenna, still looking away.

*****

The vampires had finally gone back to bed after getting rid of the corpses (put with the rest of the family said Nandor) and only Guillermo and his mother were awake. He hates having to let the vampires hypnotize his mother but it was the only solution. If anyone was to be traumatised, it would be him!

Guillermo then heard his mother's voice. She would say one sentence in Spanish and then switch to English awkwardly. Curious, he looked for her. He found her in the living room with the quadruplets that she had managed to put all over her, he didn't know how to put them all over her. They were in mogwai mode as far as Guillermo could see, listening to Mrs De Lacruz's voice and observing the images in the book.

-“I don’t know what to do!”, cried Scrooge, laughing and crying in the same breath; and making a perfect Laocoön of himself with his stockings. “I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a schoolboy. I am as giddy as a drunken man. A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world. Hallo here! Whoop! Hallo!” Oh Guillermo, no te he oído!  
-No es nada, mamá. ¿Les estás leyendo un cuento de Navidad?  
-Sí, pensé que les gustaría un villancico de Navidad. ¿Tengo razón, Arthur, Emma, Quincey y Jack?

She was treated to enthusiastic squeals from the dhampirs.

-Les di a cada uno una galleta también, pero comprobé la lista de ingredientes como Nadja y Laszlo me pidieron. Lo que me hace pensar que tus amigos dejaron algo para ti en la mesa, says his mother.

Guillermo rushed to the table to see 5 packages being packed: a beige one (we wonder who it came from), a Lord of the Rings print, a black one with a red ribbon with a red one with a black ribbon and finally, one covered in glitter.

He started with Colin's: several vouchers to avoid being sucked out of energy. Given the conditions written on the vouchers, Colin would still find a way to eat. Jenna had given him a Van Helsing figurine repainted to look like him. It was kind of cool actually. Laszlo had given him pornographic material...At least he tried to take things that he would like (note to himself, make sure to erase his internet history). Nadja had given him several books (original edition so if Guillermo's is not interested, he could always sell them). Remain only Nandor. He opened it, expecting another glittering work of art. Glitter, they had some but he paid more attention to the written word.

Me, Nandor the Relenteless, swear on my honor to change Guillermo De Lacruz into a vampire if he still wants to, at his own time no matter what the circumstances.

God knows how much it cost him to have it engraved on a marble plaque. Honestly, Guillermo would have been just as moved written on a dirty napkin.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I didn't know if I should say cannibals in the tags because no cannibalism scene takes place. If it would be better anyway, let me know. Also for the quadruplet diet: there is a Balkan legend that says that vampires can eat certain foods like squash or melons because they can bleed. In fact, it is a parasitic fungus that causes the fruits of the Cucurbitaceae family to become covered with dark red spots and sometimes produce a substance that looks like blood clotting. I just think it's cute.
> 
> ¡Guillermo! ¿Cómo te ha ido el día?: Guillermo! How was your day?  
> Bastante tranquilo, mamá. ¿Y qué hay de ti?:Mom, it's pretty quiet. What about you?  
> Está bien. Está bien. En realidad, tengo buenas noticias. Mi empleador se ofreció a ofrecerme la cena de Navidad como agradecimiento a mí y a mis parientes por cuidar los apartamentos. Pensé que tú y yo podríamos ir a buscarlo y traerlo de vuelta para todos. : It's okay. It's okay. Actually, I have some good news. My employer offered to provide me with Christmas dinner as a thank you to me and my relatives for taking care of the apartments. I thought that you and I could go get it and bring it back for everyone.  
> Eso... es muy generoso de su parte. Supongo que podríamos hacerlo, mamá.:That's... very generous of you. I guess we could do that, Mom.  
> El único problema es que quieren que lo recojamos en persona.: The only problem is that they want us to pick it up in person.  
> ¿En el día de Navidad?: On Christmas Day?  
> Sí, me siento mal dejando a todos solos sin nada...: Yes, I feel bad leaving everyone alone with nothing...  
> No es nada, mamá. Nandor, Nadja, Laszlo y Colin Robinson no celebran realmente la Navidad. Y Jenna es judía, pero tampoco creo que celebre el Hanuka.: It's nothing, Mom. Nandor, Nadja, Laszlo and Colin Robinson don't really celebrate Christmas. And Jenna is Jewish, but I don't think she celebrates Hanukkah either.  
> Oh, van muy en serio con lo de criar a los niños de una manera secular. ¿Crees que se molestarán si doy regalos de todos modos?: Oh, they're very serious about raising children in a secular way. Do you think they'll bother if I give presents anyway?  
> Estoy seguro de que mientras no sea un suéter con Jesús en él, no tendrán ningún problema. : I'm sure as long as it's not a sweater with Jesus on it, they won't have a problem.  
> ¿Dónde dejaron el regalo? :Where did they leave the gift?  
> Piso superior. Ahí es donde suelen tener sus reuniones familiares: Upper floor. This is where they usually have their family meetings  
> Guillermo, ¿qué está pasando? : Guillermo, what's going on?  
> Nandor, ¡detrás de ti!:Nandor, behind you!  
> Oh Guillermo, no te he oído!: Oh Guillermo, I didn't hear you!  
> No es nada, mamá. ¿Les estás leyendo un cuento de Navidad?: It's nothing, Mom. Are you reading them a Christmas story?  
> Sí, pensé que les gustaría un villancico de Navidad. ¿Tengo razón, Arthur, Emma, Quincey y Jack?: Yes, I thought they'd like a Christmas carol. Am I right, Arthur, Emma, Quincey and Jack?  
> Les di a cada uno una galleta también, pero comprobé la lista de ingredientes como Nadja y Laszlo me pidieron. Lo que me hace pensar que tus amigos dejaron algo para ti en la mesa:I gave them each a cookie too, but I checked the list of ingredients as Nadja and Laszlo asked me to. Which makes me think that your friends left something for you on the table


End file.
